My Faith has works...

I was thinking about a previous post concerning thinking about tomorrow and I remembered what my past held.  My friend Goodie Grimes told me once how cool she thought it was that I moved to NYC and for whatever reason when she said it, it sounded like some grand accomplishment.  Yes, I quit my job with no other plan than "move to New York."  No, I didn't have a job lined up.  Nope.  No family or friends either.  I met my immediate boyfriend for the NYC online after I hit the send button on my resignation.  So I was going it all alone in a city so complex it was deemed that if I couldn't make it here I might as well pack it up and go home.

I don't have a job and have only worked five months in the last three years.  I'm dead broke now, but I have only been this way for a few months.  I had enough savings, severance, and unemployment to get me to today.  I can't wait to be employed again because everybody wants me to go on a trip with them, Joelle of course needs (well, i want to give her) more stuff, and I want to get to the point where I have a savings and can feel the floor under me again.

There were times when I cried myself to sleep twice a month.  I cried on the fourteenth and I cried on the day before the last day of the month.  I don't cry now.  When I cried then I was working 80+ hours a week.  Sometimes I would work about 20 hours, go home to sleep for three, and go back to work for another 20 hours.  I was plenty younger then :-)  I was making a lot of money, renting an apartment in Dayton for under $400, no car payment, very little real debt.  I was supporting one other person who was in school at the time so that took a bit of the money.

Anyway...everytime I need  something now...I have it.  I don't know how God does it, but I know He always does.  I don't have a job and I definitely think somehow, someway I'm supposed to work for myself.  I have been given gift upon gift that would garner me money for myself and for others.  I've depleted my 401(k) THREE TIMES, but that only means I built it THREE TIMES!  One thing I know..if I did it before, I can do it again.  I saved that money no matter what gov't program MADE me or HELPED me.  I have  had to humble myself and pray, but I've also had to humble myself and ASK.  Faith without works is dead and that also means that if I have faith that God will provide I have to at least ASK for the help and God can help me, but his angels have to have my faith ASKING for their support.  That was big because I've always done for myself.  ALWAYS.  Yes, my parents and grandparents helped, too :-)  I'm just glad I get to see that what I reaped, I am now SOWING.  I will never be "broke" because as long as God sits on the throne He will never leave nor forsake me...and that is why I don't have to worry about tomorrow.

Joelle and the Big, Bad Phlebotomist

Joelle had  her blood drawn today.  She took it like a champ, but she really had no choice.  The nurse made me sit with her on my lap, tuck her little legs between my legs, and hold her right arm down by crossing my hand across her chest.  With my other hand I had to hold down Joelle's arm.  All not a problem.  I've changed the girl's diapers and holding her in one spot is an art form I've mastered.  Joelle sat there looking like she was gonna jump - HARD - but once the needle was in she just took it.  She started crying, but I think anyone who is bound and poked and who has never had the pleasure would.  Less than ten seconds later she was fine.

As we left the office Joelle kept waving "bye bye" with her "hurt" arm.  Killer Funny!  And I don't know how, but she got the gauze out of the tape while she was in the car seat and I was driving.  Oh, well.

of course, it's the first day of the rest of my life

Wow.  My own stage!  I've always wanted a place to share my thoughts and feelings.  It was one of the reasons I moved to New York City in 1999.  I wanted to be a writer, poet, spoken word artist.  And I was on my grind when I came here.  I went to the Nuyorican on Fridays and other poetry spots on their respective days.  I wow'ed the crowds with my rhymes and story telling abilities.  I even won a few contests, the biggest of which was to perform in Cleveland, Oh with Les Nubians.  That was pretty hot!  I did my thing, but then I lost sight of it.  Corporate America seeped in.  When I first moved here I was living off the fat of my savings so I had TIME to put up with the politics of going to open mic nights to hear the same people spit the same ill formed poems every night. Ugh.  Tiring.  I didn't want fame at the expense of "my craft" so I left the open mic world and started partying with my new found friends.

Any whooo...twelve  years later.  I'm here and I find myself in a whole new world.  It used to be that I could get a job just by being ME.  I was so honest in an interview for a six month temp position they hired me on the spot.  Now I cant beg, borrow or steal and interview.  It's of no consequence.  I am the same person I was twelve years ago, but the industry and the market have changed.  And I'm so glad it has.  I haven't heard it whispered yet, but I'm sure that we are in the time of "recession babies."  People can't afford birth control and whoops!  there's a new generation of children.  Well, maybe that was just  me :-)  But whatever brought me to this new title of "Mommy" I'll take.  I've heard God whispering to me that I should take my last and start my business, but I never did it.  It's scary, but I'm going a different route.  I have to.  You go crazy doing the same thing you've always done and expecting different results.  Not going to outline the whole plan here, but writing is definitely on the list.  Creating baby stuff seems like a great idea, too.  I would love to start classes for kids going to college so that they can economize and let their creative juices flow as they start to decorate their dorms.  Home schooling may be in the cards for Joelle, too.  What!?  A home business AND home schooling my child.  Why not?  Joelle should have the best and what's better than MY MIND?  Nada.

So I guess this is my first blog.  I'll find more to say.  You better watch out world.  That Boogie is on her way and she doesn't care if you are ready or not!